I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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