They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
