i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
