i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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