I am puke
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
