so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
