Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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