lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
