the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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