Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
