I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
