No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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