So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
