:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
