She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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