I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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