he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
