Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
