Pappa wants mamma naked
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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