I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
