where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
