i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
