Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
