how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
