Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
