but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
