Don't you send me to vm
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
