My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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