I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
