When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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