We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Screwed.edu
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
