I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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