Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
