Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dick very happy bro
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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