You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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