I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
