jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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