So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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