he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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