Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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