yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
