You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
