He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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