I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
