dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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