if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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