I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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