and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
