Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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