I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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