I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
