Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
