I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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