it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
