Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
