I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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