There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
