she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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