so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's get the cat blown out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
