ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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