Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
