i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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