I think i peed on brittanys purse
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
