So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
