wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he shaved USA in his pubs
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
