dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
