Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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