haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
