I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
