Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
