I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
