Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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