Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
