i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
