You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you