Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The feeling are messing with the penis
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
