and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
