if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
