he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
