Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dignity is for republicans.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
