I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
