Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize