I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
