Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
