We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
