Small penises have feelings too.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
