Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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