oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
