I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
