i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
