dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
