he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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