I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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